Misunderstanding OK so don't let this sound down or depressing but i have simply become the most disconnected person to my emotions that its getting a bit worrisome. I had a best friend, she was my everything. We shopped together, talked together, there wasn't a thing in the world that i felt i needed to hide from her. I felt almost privileged to have such a great friend. The day came when i knew my life was going to have a huge turning point. Things were staring to get a little different, weird almost. My best friend wasn't there anymore. She began to fall deeper and deeper into a slew of unwanted needs. I knew that there was nothing I could do and that saying something about it would just give me even more problems than it was worth to speak up a little. I did what I could to make this life style change, to almost clear my head of anything i knew wasn't right. This took a huge toll on me emotionally. Eating became a game where i would not touch food for the hopes that my best friend would notice and ask me what was wrong. She never really sat down and asked for a real conversation. She made it a chore about her and she still went about doing as she still did everyday. I know she knew i wasnt okay and it really hurt. My friend then got cough. I knew it was coming the whole time. I didn't want to accept what had happened or what was about to happen. The look in dads eyes told me to hold on tight because the next little while was going to be hard. Yes dad which I guess leads you to believe that this "best friend" is my mother, and yes she left me, she left us, she left the family. Time went by and I grew stronger than I ever had intentions of being. I became a shield to the pain. It never hit me but i was worried that i couldn't feel the pain. Life got a little better and things started to snap back into place. Mom was being around me more and she knew she had hurt me and the family. I was worried every damn day she walked out our door that I wouldn't see her again but she continued to keep coming back so maybe she was back for real. Life was great for about 14 months then the lifeless-ugly-lowlife-home wrecker stepped in to play. Mom wasn't there anymore, and this time no matter how hard I kicked and screamed and fought for her, she didn't care. I was feel so alone. I don't believe in regrets or wishes to change the past. I think that things make a person who they really are and that i was meant to live that lesson. I just wish it came a little easier on me. I wish that it didn't effect me in the long run. I miss you mom but I didn't get to choose what happened at the end of this chapter. I just turned the page and I am not going back to it. People come and go in your life, I am just trying to figure out why mine was mom. Its okay mom i forgive you. I just wont forgive the pain......and im sorry for you.